hello..

Haha its in the wee hours of the night now. Just finished watching spider man 3, going to watch spider man 3 in less than 24 hours again. Haha no, its not that great to warrant the effort of watching it twice but!

I was just thinking of bubble world and qt and God. And I wonder why is it so hard for us to spend some time with God everyday. Especially if ultimately He is all that matters and everything else is transient.What motivates us in life? What drives us, what keeps us going?

After being a christian for so long, I've probably grown tired of the word or the idea of 'supposed'. I'm supposed to love God, God is supposed to be the center of my life, I'm supposed to change after an encounter with Him, I'm supposed to be good, I'm supposed to pray for the unsaved. Supposed, supposed supposed. Where is the reality in it? What is the motivation behind the 'supposes'

What is truly holding us back? Fear of giving up our comfort zone- just the thought of what it truly means to know God more, to see His face ( remember ps.yang?). Do we really want to feel His heart beat, to obey what He has to tell us? Do we truely want to feel passionate about the lost and to help the poor?
Or do we want just want the love of God, His peace, His security, His joy etc.
And hence only when we are in lack of those, do we then return to find Him.

Have you ever felt the vague feeling of being a hypocrite.

Yet, it is true that the christian walk is a process. One cannot expect to be able to give up everything overnight. But it stills begs the question of how involved do we want to be with God.
And its really easy to just live the normal 'slightly above Sunday goers' type of christian.
Sigh, its a struggle for me.
Maybe it starts with small steps like QT. But i guess that must be done with a goal in mind. What do i want to see happen? Know His character better, know the scriptures more so that I can obey Him, catch the passion for the lost etc.

Yeah. Its hard being a christian sometimes.Yet it may be harder to live life not doing what we were made to. There will always be this restless void. Life led that is not Christ centered will be a dispassionate disappointment.
When we look back 50 years later, I'm quite sure we'll realise its all worth it. Or live in regret.The hard part is the present.